PlanetZ forums - scopeusers.com

Jokes would be nice,tho thoroughly silly.

Ok So I'll start it.A Shetland pony walks into a bar.looks up to a bear who's sitting on a stool,and says "could you order me a beer please",the bear says"why?,can't you ask yourself?", the pony replies,"No,I'm a little hoarse".

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: H-Rave on 2005-12-29 16:26 ]</font>

There was great excitement and controversy at the university when the recently-acclaimed genetic scientist announced he had successfully cloned humans. At a specially-held press release, the scientist displayed one of his recently-grown clones, who had been grown in a mere 5 weeks, and was unable to comprehend the situation around him. But all of his organs and instincts were functioning properly, and when he caught sight of some of the female journalists, he uttered a low moan, broke his bonds and immediately raced towards the closest, dragging her to the floor. After a short scuffle, the scientist and a few helpers managed to rescue the woman, subdue the clone, long enough to push it out of a window, where it plummeted to its death. The next day the scientist was charged ...

with making an obscene clone fall.

Why did Lisa Presley get divorced from Micheal Jackson?..............
It was a big misunderstanding when he said he wanted kids!!..............

Thank You, Please Stay Seated,

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

a woman walks into a bar, and says to the barman
"Id like a double entendre, please"
So he gave her one.


TA DAaa
I thank you

why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

it was dead.......

A man walks up to one of the checkouts of a supermarket and empties his basket onto the conveyer belt. The cashier starts scanning the items ..... one egg...beep (sound of scanner).....one sausage...beep...a pint of milk...beep...one tomato...beep...a loaf of bread...beep...at this point the female cashier looks up at the youing man and says to him "You're single aren't you!?". The young man is quite impressed by her observation and says "Why yes, I am. How did you guess?" To which the cashier replies "Because your fu--ing ugly".



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: hesnotthemessiah on 2006-01-03 21:33 ]</font>

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."

How to calm down a guitarist?

Put some notes in front of him (musical notes).

How do you know when the drummer's riser is level?



Drool runs from <i>both</i> sides of the drummer's mouth.

I used to be a Werewolf!
But I'm all right Naaaaooooooowwwwwwwwwww (cough)

Queensland (Australia) police went to a competition with the British constabulary and the Canadian Mounties. The task was to enter a forest and arrest the bear. The British go in first.....no guns... and come out a few hours later.

"Well, we interviewed a few animals, saw signs of bear, and heard bear, but sorry, chaps.... we couldn't get to the bear.

The Canadians go in .......and come out a few hours later. "No bears in there".

The Queensland police go in. There is the sound of a huge scuffle. Within an hour the other police see a rabbit marched out with his hands up, muttering..... OK.... I'm a bear......it's true.....I'm a bear.

(Disclaimer; Our force has improved massively over the last 20 years.

In controll room:
Drummer: more drums
Bassplayer: more bass
Guitarist: more guitar
Singer: more voice
Crew guy: more coke

An elite sniper rifleman walks into a gun shop and ask for a top of the range crosshair sight.The salesman takes out the most expensive of them and says,"try this","you can see for a distance of 5km","you see that house on the hill over there,it's 4.7Km away,it's where I live".The Sniper says"Oh yes,but how come there's a man and woman naked in the bedroom.",The salesman,apparently very annoyed,takes out 2 Bullets from a drawer,he then says,"if you can shoot the woman in the head,and the groin area of the man I'll give you a 1000 dollars.The sniper says"hold on a minute and I'll be able to do both of them with one bullet."

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: H-Rave on 2006-01-09 10:19 ]</font>

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: H-Rave on 2006-01-09 14:16 ]</font>